Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to do something memorable with that special someone in your life. Whether you have a special someone or are still searching, love is powerful and has the ability to change us.
What is this elusive love? Why do I yearn for it? Why do I feel the way I do? Why can’t I get enough? I thought this would be a great opportunity to talk about LOVE on a deeper level, taking a look at what goes on behind the scenes in our bodies. We actually go through three stages when we fall in love, according to scientist who have studied the phenomenon. Love in fact, packs a punch, pumping us up with a cocktail of hormones that takes our feelings and bodies to the next level. Let’s take a look at the stages of love and how they affect your body. I’ve included a few friendly BFF insights to each.
|"Did you say take the lime and the coconut?"|
“Oh, baby, come to Mama!”
In this first stage of love your body is consumed by sex hormones in both men and women.
Your first cocktail is one of testosterone and oestrogen. This is the stage in which our inner animal likes what they see and would like to sample the delights.
*BFF Note: Friends love this stage if they happened to be on the scene when you meet the one. We have exclusive bragging rights that we were there when you met, for years to come we will always lay claim to being there when it happened. Even in the event that you are no longer with said person, we keep the memory alive, friends are just peachy.
Stage 2: Attraction
“Our love is like no other, you are my world.”
Oh, there is nothing like the beginning of love when all is right in the world, when the person next to you is all that is perfect, no one has a more pure love in their life, yours is what dreams are made of. Boy, if you're on that trip, you must be on something. Well, in fact you are, your second hormonal cocktail packs a punch, you are in a hormonal haze induced by Adrenaline, Cortisol, Dopamine, and Serotonin. Let’s take a closer look at what effect each has on you.
“OMG, there he is!”Everyone knows how you feel when you first start to fall in love, right? You think about them and your heart races, you see them across the room and you lose all thought, your skin feels tight and you perspire, you’re a true mess when you're in the same room as them.
This chemical activates and drives your stress levels through the roof, increasing blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol.
*BFF Note: Gurrrl, you are so deep in lust at this stage that you’re nauseating to your friends. Just kidding.*wink* No, really.
Ok, so, here, we find ourselves doing the horizontal mambo, christening rooms, inspecting the shower tiles, and the integrity of our wall structures. Better said, we can’t keep our hands off each other and location is not a deal breaker. You are experiencing Dopamine in all its glory! It stimulates desire and reward sending you into a rush of pleasure so intense you want to capture it again and again. In essence, it is like the effects of cocaine.
Every wonder why some fall in love and seem to lose weight? Surging dopamine increases levels of energy. You don’t feel the need to eat or sleep, all you want to do is continue to experience the pleasures of the flesh. Daydreaming of how and where you'd attack him next, more than likely. Duh, who would of thought?
*BFF Note: Call your friends once in a while, give them the 411, let them know you are still alive and have come to no harm. Plan a coffee date, but whatever you do, don’t mention your weight loss. He he
You can't be away from him, you're consumed with thoughts of them. You become obsessed with the time, you check your phone, your email, all you want is to be at their side again. Yeah, obsess much? This is all due to a little thing called Serotonin. That’s right the special sauce that keeps them on your mind 24/7, anticipating the next time you will see them. It is in fact, according to scientist the most important of chemicals because it makes you want to stay together leading you into a bond or an attachment.
* BFF Note- We know you are in love, get over yourselves, have pity on the loveless. Let’s change the conversation, pa-lease! Luv ya!
Stage 3: Attachment
“Will you marry me and be the mother of my children?”
In this stage you've gone to the point of no return. You know in the depths of your soul that you have found your soulmate. Attachment is the bond that keeps you together. It endures long enough to have children and in fact raise them. It is believed, by scientist, that during this stage you are being served a massive cocktail made up of oxytocin and vasoperessin.
- Oxytocin – a.k.a. the Cuddle Hormone
There's no faking this baby, that’s right, only if you have an orgasm can you experience the effects of Oxytocin. This gem has the amazing ability to make you feel closer to the person after having sex. I imagine this is where endearments such as “cuddle bug”, “teddy bear”, “baby cakes”,etc. have their beginnings. Supposedly the more sex you have the deeper the bond, no innuendo intended. Well, even if you aren't bonding, it's great exercise. Oxytocin has this crazy glue effect that attaches the couple. I wonder if women produce more of it though, we do love to cuddle? Oh, it is also released between mommy and baby, and when a woman gives birth. Moms who breast feed have firsthand knowledge of the effects, too. The sight or the sounds of her baby have them producing milk instantly.
*BFF Note: Even though you aren’t in the bedroom, the “touchy feely” thing tends to go on in public. Never invite single friends along at this stage if you plan to have your hands all over each other. Stick to the “couples only” rule, trust me, it will save friendships. If you do invite a single friend, make sure to bring someone for her to grope. LOL Just kidding, there's nothing wrong with being the third wheel, a free show is always welcome.
Feel like you ran a marathon, but strangely enough you’re not thirsty? Well, that’s due to
Vasopressin, which works with your kidneys to control thirst. Not to that you couldn't always fake being thirsty, just to see them get out of bed na-ked. The effects of this interesting chemical was discovered when scientist were studying a little critter by the name of Praire Vole. These little critters are monogamous and most spend their entire lives together. So, what’s the big deal, you ask? These animals will have sex far longer than is necessary to reproduce. Yeah, they like doing the nasty, just because. LMAO It was found that Vasopressin is the chemical that creates the bond with their partner, take it away and the critter moves on to greener pastures. Vasopressin makes them devote themselves to their mate and in turn protect them from other males. They are the epitome of the “alpha male”,so to speak. Exactly how we like our men, too.
*BFF Note: We all want our own alpha male, don’t go into detail about all the fabulous sex you are having. You can only discuss “fab sex” if you are: telling a “bestie” that already has a “Boy Toy”, you plan to set us up with a "Boy Toy", or you are giving a mini discourse of “How To”. We are such envious creatures, it never goes well, if we don’t have our own comparatives at the time. We will tell you we are happy for you, but on the inside we are “hatin'” Ha ha So, true!
Happy Valentine's Day!
**Note to readers: I hope you enjoyed my little foray into the chemicals found present when we fall in love. I am not a scientist, or doctor of any kind, what is written above is mostly based on Helen Fisher's of Rutgers University findings on the subject and in no way should be taken as my personal and medical opinion. Any errors on the subject matter written here are more than likely mine. I have given facts found on the matter and am in no way an expert on the matter just passing it along. I read just about everything and love finding interesting facts. I hope you enjoyed the piece. The girlfriend advice was all fun and not meant to be taken seriously. Well, not really. *wink*